Why I Don't Fake it

Taking ownership of our own abilities while continuing to grow is integral to being confident.   Photo by  Torsten Dederichs  on  Unsplash

Taking ownership of our own abilities while continuing to grow is integral to being confident.

Photo by Torsten Dederichs on Unsplash

I have had some good conversations lately about the term, ‘fake it until you make it,’ as it is a saying that resonates with many while a few who oppose the phrase. I am one of those few and wanted to better understand what has it sticking for so many has been something I’ve been curious about for a while.

Since I was young, many would tell me that I always came across as a confident person. This came to a shocking surprise as, internally, I very much felt the opposite. How could I seem confident when I didn’t feel I knew enough, did well enough in school, etc? Was I faking it? I felt so many things were against me but one thing I knew was that when I felt passionately about something, I could come across as confident and maybe this is what they saw, however, was this really confidence? I wanted to figure that out.

When it came to faking something, well, I was terrible at faking anything. If I didn’t enjoy something, I struggled to give it my best, get ill from not wanting to do it and, eventually, quit. Faking confidence came across as something that sounded loud, ignorant and inauthentic. This is why the phrase, ‘faking it until you make it,’ did not work for me.

After discussing confidence with the people and clients around me, I can see a piece that was missing and it starts with the definition - a state of a feeling or belief that one can have faith or rely on someone or something, or, a feeling of self-assurance from one’s own abilities. This started to open up the doors in the discussions I’ve been having. What if I combined these so that I felt comfortable within myself and my abilities while having faith in asking others for clarification and help when needed? To me, this is confidence.

Yes, this may not help support the majority who resonate with faking it, however, it brings me the ability to possibly understand why it doesn’t work for me. I am seeing that confidence isn’t about faking anything but actually being able to stand comfortably where you are during any moment and being OKAY with it. Start working on that ability to be assured with the skills you have and to knowing that you will continue to learn. Let’s connect and bring you from pretending to owning your life.

Productivity and Worthiness

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We all have our 'little victory’ rituals when crossing off our to-do lists. When I first meet with potential clients many of them tell me how little time they have, that they want to be more productive yet even though they complete millions of tasks in the day, they completely forget what they did.

Productivity should feel good but when we do things that don’t align with our values, we tend to feel less productive and we lose our sense of purpose. A lot of this downward spiral eventually hits our sense of worth. After careful consideration, a question I started to explore was, “how do we evaluate our worthiness in terms of a value?”.

Our worth is a piece of the puzzle to improving our productivity. As humans on this big ol’ planet we need to feel valued and, when we do, we really soar. Simply, we get sh*t done while feeling great doing so.

If we feel worthy in our relationships, career or whatever else we pursue, we feel much more confident to try new things and, better yet, break through things that held us back. The one thing that must be said is that, the more risks we make, there will be a time that we fail. No matter the number of times we may fail, the important part is learning that our worth should not be defined by succeeding or failing, rather the steps we take to get there. This, in itself, is what makes us more productive as we hold back on that negative self-talk and limiting beliefs and still strive to try it.

A way to become aware of our sense of worth is to start thinking of it as a bank. Take a look at what things increase (and decrease) that value. For many women, relationships tend to be a big factor so really consider if that is where we want to put a heavy amount towards. On the other side, men career related endeavours tend to be heavily weighted. What I have discovered is that it’s not necessarily what we do but who we are while doing it and it’s something I’ve been mindful of. The question will be, how will your worthiness stack up?

Start today: Figure out what you need to do to increase that value and find yourself starting to be intentional about reactions you may have and really question whether this should be something you store in that worthy-bank. If our sense of worthiness and purpose comes from this pot then it’s about time to make sure to take control of it so that we can really stay focused and increase our productivity in a purposeful way.

For those who need that stuck and really want more out of their lives, let’s connect. Let’s have a conversation and see how we can not only jumpstart your productivity, but fill your sense of worthiness so that you are living the way you really want to be.

The Link Between Imperfection and Growth

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My journey never stops. I meet people that are surprised to find out that I still continue to work through my own blocks. The incredibly wonderful thing is that I am not perfect. I absolutely love that I continue to learn about myself and am willing to challenge my thoughts, patterns, beliefs in order to grow. In fact, Mahatma Gandhi’s, “be the change that you wish to see in the world,” left a very profound impact after these years of self discovery.

Interestingly, in the past, I would have looked for things outside of myself when I wasn’t feeling fulfilled and it would either be through a new relationship, buying something, spending frivolously, etc. Whatever I did, I thought my solution to happiness was outside of myself. I was lost. I was drifting around reacting to the world around me wondering why things always happened to me?

I knew that I needed to change but had no idea how to. I had no idea how much this indecisive and insecure nature impacted things such as finances, love and friendships. I had no awareness in just how many beliefs or patterns were holding me back.

That was until I started the real work - starting from within - with my first coach.

What I learned is that when I am solid in who I am, I remain present of where and who I am in this world, I start to react less and observe and listen more and then everything else starts to flow. There is an appreciation for what I have and a readiness to move forward. And those things that I searched for outside of myself?

I have figured out that if I stand in who I am, everything else is secure where my desires become purposeful and everything evolves from there.

If we want to change the world around us, we must start within ourselves. We must seek our own growth and, only then, can we find that change outside of ourselves. I work with clients who move from lost or ungrounded to confident and present in just a couple of sessions. I see what other’s want to see and believe that it is possible. We work together to open that potential and from there, their energy and desire to grow and change intensifies. If you are ready to move from lost to empowered, book a consultation with me.

Why the Need for Measurement Can Hinder Results

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We have this need to measure everything: our weight, speed, productivity, love and the list can go on and on.

What does this do?

There are definitely pros. They can be the tangible results of improvement, tracked progress and more which seems to lead us to, ‘why talk about this?’

This thought hit my mind as I sat on the bike this morning. As I sat down and started to pedal (and half asleep at 6am), I realized it was without a computer. I thought about moving thinking I needed to know my speed, etc, yet changed my mind. I wanted to experiment, or play, and was just plain curious. I decided that I wanted to simply listening to my body and how it reacted with the bike rather than worry about the numbers. I ended up sweating, more than I usually do, and feeling accomplished afterwards.

Sometimes when we stop sizing ourselves up we exceed our perceived results. We push our limits.

This always happens to me while I run. I am supposed to measure my speed and stay on pace. Then there are times that I run without looking at my watch and, a funny thing happens, I tend to run faster and for longer.

The same thing happens in life. Sometimes if we stop looking at the scale or measuring our performance through grades and numbers, we can see that we are doing alright, often better than we thought or hoped.

Measuring can be helpful but sometimes we need to throw out the scales and skip forward with how we are feeling. It’s about trusting ourselves without judgement.

Think about the ways that you measure yourself in your life. Be curious to explore these boundaries and see what happens. Let go of the control in needing to always know something and see what happens. I dare you.