I have had some good conversations lately about the term, ‘fake it until you make it,’ as it is a saying that resonates with many while a few who oppose the phrase. I am one of those few and wanted to better understand what has it sticking for so many has been something I’ve been curious about for a while.
Since I was young, many would tell me that I always came across as a confident person. This came to a shocking surprise as, internally, I very much felt the opposite. How could I seem confident when I didn’t feel I knew enough, did well enough in school, etc? Was I faking it? I felt so many things were against me but one thing I knew was that when I felt passionately about something, I could come across as confident and maybe this is what they saw, however, was this really confidence? I wanted to figure that out.
When it came to faking something, well, I was terrible at faking anything. If I didn’t enjoy something, I struggled to give it my best, get ill from not wanting to do it and, eventually, quit. Faking confidence came across as something that sounded loud, ignorant and inauthentic. This is why the phrase, ‘faking it until you make it,’ did not work for me.
After discussing confidence with the people and clients around me, I can see a piece that was missing and it starts with the definition - a state of a feeling or belief that one can have faith or rely on someone or something, or, a feeling of self-assurance from one’s own abilities. This started to open up the doors in the discussions I’ve been having. What if I combined these so that I felt comfortable within myself and my abilities while having faith in asking others for clarification and help when needed? To me, this is confidence.
Yes, this may not help support the majority who resonate with faking it, however, it brings me the ability to possibly understand why it doesn’t work for me. I am seeing that confidence isn’t about faking anything but actually being able to stand comfortably where you are during any moment and being OKAY with it. Start working on that ability to be assured with the skills you have and to knowing that you will continue to learn. Let’s connect and bring you from pretending to owning your life.